


Who Wants to Be a Trillionaire?

by GokuGirl



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Out of Character, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-19
Updated: 2000-04-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:51:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A parody of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Son Goku

**Author's Note:**

> This is a four part story featuring four people: Goku, ChiChi, Bulma & Vegeta. Takes place after Trunks is president of C.C.

**ChiChi:** Now do your best, Goku. I'll be cheering for you in the audience!

 **Goku:** I'll try.

 **Regis:** The question was: Who saved the Earth all of these times?

A) Mr. Satan

B) Son Goku

C) Vegeta

D) Yajirobe

And the person who answered it the quickest was Son Goku with the answer, B!

(Goku got up and walked to Regis in the center of the stage)

 **Regis:** You know the rules and you have three life-lines remaining: Phone a Friend, 50/50, and Ask the Audience. Mr. Son here is from outside Satan City and has two sons, Gohan and Goten, and a lovely wife ChiChi, who we see in the audience now. (ChiChi waves when the cameras are on her)

 **Goku:** Right.

 **Regis:** For 2,000 zenni:

What do you use senzu beans for?

A) For protein

B) To restore your health and heal any wounds

C) To make an excellent pot of coffee

D) To add to your burrito

 **Goku:** Uh, I would have to say... D Regis.

 **Regis:** Is that your final answer?

(he gets a telepathic message from King Kai)

King Kai: Goku you moron, it's B!

Goku: B is my final answer.

Regis: That is...correct!

(the audience claps and ChiChi sighes in relief)

 **Regis:** For 5,000 zenni:

Who is the current president of the Capsule Corporation?

A) Vegeta

B) Trunks

C) Mr. Briefs

D) Bulma Briefs

 **Goku:** I would like to phone a friend.

 **Regis:** ::sweatdropping:: Okay.... Which one?

 **Goku:** My best friend, Krillin!

 **Regis:** Krillin, you're on.

 **Krillin:** Hello?

 **Regis:** This is the show Who Wants to be a Trillionaire and your friend Goku used you for the phone a friend life-line.

 **Krillin:** Wow! My voice is on t.v.!

 **Regis:** Uh, yes. Goku, please read the question.

 **Goku:** (blushing) I can't.

 **Regis:** Why not?

 **Goku:** I never went to school. I can't read.

 **Regis:** (facevaulting) Fine. I'll do it. Who is the current president of the Capsule Corporation?

A) Vegeta

B) Trunks

C) Mr. Briefs

D) Bulma Briefs

 **Krillin:** It's B. I'm positive. But Goku, you of all people should know this!

 **Goku:** Okay. Thanks Krillin! (time runs out) I pick B.

 **Regis:** Is that your-

 **Goku:** YES!

 **Regis:** Geez! I'm sorry. You are...correct.

 **ChiChi:** Yea Goku!

 **Regis:** For 6,500 zenni:

Who killed you latter time?

A) Raditz

B) Frieza

C) Cell

D) Majin Buu

 **Goku:** Latter? What does latter mean?

 **Regis:** If I tell you that, you would get it right and the people here at ABC love keeping our money.

 **Goku:** Fine. I'll use a life-line and 50/50.

 **Regis:** Computer, take away the other answers and leave Mr. Son with one right and one wrong. (it's done)

 **Regis:** (Remembering that Goku is iliterate) The answers that are left are A and C.

 **Goku:** Oh Kami! I have no idea now! (tries to get telepathic help) <King Kai? Help, please!>

 **King Kai:** I've changed my mind about helping. It'll be more amusing when you lose!

 **Goku:** <You ought to be ashamed of yourself. That's mean!>

 **King Kai:** And?

(Goku sigh and tries to guess)

 **Goku:** Uh A, no C, no A! (he sees ChiChi in the audience and she holding up three fingers) Three? Wait, I at least learned my ABC's and C is the third letter of the Alphabet. (he turns to Regis) C!

 **Regis:** Is that your-

 **Goku:** YEAH!

 **Regis:** You're right!

 **Goku:** Whoo hoo!

 **Regis:** Since our time is running short, this is the trillion zenni question:

What is your real fathers first name?

A. Tapion

B. Brolli

C. Turles

D. Bardock

 **Goku:** What?! Oh s**t!

 **Regis:** I need an answer.

 **Goku:** I'm gonna have to use my third life-line, Ask the Audience.

 **King Kai:** (speaking to the everyone except Regis, Goku, and ChiChi) It's B, B! Push B! 

(The audience thinking its their subconcious and that it's right, pushes B on the little thingy)

 **King Kai:** This should be good...

 **Goku:** <King Kai! I'm not that stupid!>

 **King Kai:** What? You heard?

 **Goku:** (ignoring him) It's D (seeing Regis about to ask him THAT question) and that's my final answer.

 **Regis:** You are correct! Son Goku wins a trillion zenni!

(ChiChi runs up on stage and hugs him, jumping up and down)

 **ChiChi:** You did it! We're rich! Hooray!

Regis: (interrupting the celebration) I just got word for my producers that on the Who Killed Goku the Latter Time question that Mrs. ChiChi Son had cheated. (he plays the footage of the finger thing on national t.v. and the audience also sees it on the monitors)

 **Bulma:** (watching the screen in her house) Oh ChiChi!

 **Gohan:** (also watching tv) I can't believe mom did that!

(back into the studio)

(Goku and ChiChi freeze in mid-hop.)

 **ChiChi:** Can't you let it slide just this once?

 **Regis:** I'm sorry, it just wouldn't be fair.

(ChiChi turned into Mega-Bitch)

 **ChiChi:** OH YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS! I'M GOING TO GET YOU, I'M GOING TO GET YOU! (Goku had to drag her out of the studio. Regis comes from behind a chair. He would swear later that he could see fangs.)

 **Regis:** That's the show today! Uh, bye!

Next time it's Bulma's turn on Who Wants to be a Trillionaire!


	2. Son Goku

(one week after part 1)

 **Regis:** Welcome to this weeks edition of Who Wants to be a Trillionaire! Last week we had Son Goku, the worlds savior on. The question was: What is the name of Mirai Trunks' time machine?

A) Happiness

B) Love

C) Peace

D) Hope

And the person who gave the correct answer and did it the quickest was... Bulma Briefs with D! She owns the Capsule Corporation and has a grumpy husband, Vegeta and two children: Bra and Trunks; who are in our studio audience.

(Trunks & Bra wave and give each gives a thumbs up at the camera.Bulma walks up to Regis and sits down)

 **Bulma:** Happy to be here.

 **Regis:** I'm sure you know the rules. There are three life-lines: Phone a Friend, 50/50, and Ask the Audience.

 **Bulma:** Right!

 **Regis:** Now, are you ready?

 **Bulma:** Yeah.

 **Regis:** For 3,000 zenni:

What does the back of Vegeta's favorite tee shirt say?

A) Tough Man

B) Rough Boy

C) Bad Man

D) Bad Boy

 **Bulma:** Since I'm the one who gave him the shirt, the answer is C. Bad Man

 **Regis:** Is that your final answer?

 **Bulma:** Of course.

 **Regis:** Bulma, you are... correct!

 **Bra:** Yea, Mom!

 **Regis:** The next question, for 6,000 zenni:

Who did Captain Ginyu switch bodies with the first time?

A) Piccolo

B) Vegeta

C) Goku

D) Krillin

 **Bulma:** I wasn't there! How should I know?

 **Regis:** Guess or use a life-line then.

 **Bulma:** Okay. I'll use 50/50.

 **Regis:** Computer, please leave one right answer and one wrong for Mrs. Briefs.

 **Bulma:** (looking and seeing only C and D left.) I don't think a bald midget would have satisfied him so I say C.

 **Regis:** Is that your final answer?

 **Bulma:** What do you think?

 **Regis:** Is that your-

 **Bulma:** YES! DUH!

 **Regis:** Well Bulma, your are correct! You now have 9,000 zenni!

 **Bulma:** All right!

 **Regis:** May I ask what are you going to do with the money? I mean, you already are a trillionaire!

 **Bulma:** I wasn't going to keep it! I was going to give it to my dear friend Son-kun. They need it more that we do any way.

 **Regis:** That's a nice thing to do.

 **Bulma:** I know.

 **Regis:** Anyway, next question. For 10,000 zenni, Name all the Ginyu Force members in order of tallest to smallest:

 **Bulma:** WHAT?!

 **Regis:** A) Recoome, Burter, Jeice, Captain Ginyu, Guldo

B) Burter, Captain Ginyu, Recoome, Jeice, Guldo

C) Burter, Recoome, Captain Ginyu, Jeice, Guldo

D) Captain Ginyu, Jeice, Guldo, Burter, Recoome

 **Bulma:** I'm going to use another life-line. Phone a Friend and WHERE DO YOU GET THESE QUESTIONS FROM?

 **Regis:** I'm only the host, I don't know. Which friend would you like to call?

 **Bulma:** (thinking) I don't want to call Son-kun, too dense. Don't want to call Vegeta, if I win, I'm giving the money to Goku and family. I know! I'll call Gohan! (outloud) I want to call Son Gohan!

(the call is connected and Pan answers the phone)

 **Pan:** Moshi Moshi?

 **Regis:** This is the show, Who Wants to be a Trillionaire and are you Son Gohan?

 **Pan:** WOW! A tv show!

 **Regis:** Are you Son Gohan?

 **Pan:** No! That's my 'tousan. I'll go get him for you. (yelling) TOUSAN! TELEPHONE!

(after a moment, Gohan picks up.)

 **Gohan:** I got it, Pan-chan. Moshi Moshi?

 **Regis:** Are you Son Gohan?

 **Gohan:** Yes, yes I am.

 **Regis:** Finally! This is the show, Who Wants to be a Trillionaire and your friend Bulma Briefs needs your help. Bulma, please read the question to him.

 **Bulma:** Name all the Ginyu Force members in order of tallest to smallest:

A) Recoome, Burter, Jeice, Captain Ginyu, Guldo

B) Burter, Captain Ginyu, Recoome, Jeice, Guldo

C) Burter, Recoome, Captain Ginyu, Jeice, Guldo

D) Captain Ginyu, Jeice, Guldo, Burter, Recoome

 **Gohan:** You know how long its been since I seen them?! I was a little kid! 

**Bulma:** C'mon. You're the smartest person I know and have the best memory, next to me of course. Think Gohan, think! 

(the time ticks away. finally Gohan came up with an answer) 

**Gohan:** Uh it's C! 

**Bulma:** Are you sure? 

**Gohan:** Yes. 

**Bulma:** Positive? 

**Gohan:** Yes. 

**Bulma:** Are you- 

**Gohan:** Bulma-san, THAT'S THE ANSWER TO THE DAMN QUESTION! 

**Bulma:** Alright, alright! Thanks! 

**Gohan:** No problem. 

**Bulma:** My answer to that question will be C. 

**Regis:** Is that your- 

**Bulma:** If you want to live, I wouldn'recommendnd that you continue that question. 

**Regis:** Yes, ma'am. 

**Bulma:** That is my **final** answer. 

**Regis:** You are correct! You now have  19,000 zenni! 

**Bulma:** Cool!

(at the Son house)

 **ChiChi:** We're gonna be rich anyway! Bulma is so wonderful!

(at the studio)

 **Regis:** For 1 million zenni, What planet did your beloved Vegeta and his underling Nappa utterly destroy on his way to Earth?

A) Namek

B) Arlia

C) Velon

D) Saturn

 **Bulma:** I think it's B. Arlia. Namek and Saturn are out ultimately and I don't think that Velon is even a planet.

(Regis opens his mouth)

 **Bulma:** Don't even ask. YES!

 **Regis:** You are correct! You now have 1,019,000 zenni!

 **Bulma:** I'm going to win!

 **Regis:** The final question for 1 trillion zenni and everyone misses it. In the second part of the S.S. Anne episode, what Pok on evolved into Gyrados and what attack did it use on Ash, Misty, Brock, Jessi, James, and their Pokémon?:

 **Bulma:** Wait a minute!  A Pokémon question? That's not fair!

 **Regis:** It wasn't supposed to be fair. Now,

A) Goldeen, water gun

B) Cloyster,  bubble beam

C) Magikarp, dragon rage

D) Horsea, hydro pump.

 **Bulma:** Oh kami! I don't know! I use my last life-line, Ask the Audience.

(the results were tallied)

 **Regis:** The audience has no clue. All the bar graphs are at 0. You're on your own.

 **Bulma:** I say, uh, D! It sounds oceanic.

 **Regis:** Are you-

 **Bulma:** DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO HURT YOU!

 **Regis:** You are wrong Bulma sorry. It's C, but you still go home with 100,000 zenni.

(before Bulma can go off, Bra and Trunks comes down to her and restrains her)

 **Trunks:** You still won **some** money 'kassan. Don't push it.

(they leave the studio)

(at the Son house)

 **ChiChi:** She is so stupid! I can't believe she lost! (she gets up and goes to her armory) She'll get a good surprise when she gets home.

(back at the studio)

 **Regis:** That's our show! (muttering) We need to stop having psychos on here. (louder) Good bye!

Next time on Who Wants to be a Trillionaire, Son Chi Chi!


	3. Son ChiChi

1 week from part 2...

 **Regis:** The question was: What was Son Gohan called the second time when he fought crime?

A) Wonderful Saiyaman

B) Great Saiyaman

C) Great Saiya-jin

D) Goldenhaired Warrior

And the person who answered this question the quickest with B was his mother, Son ChiChi!

(ChiChi came forward and sat down. Regis looked at Goku)

 **Goku:** We increased her medication and went over her Anger Management materials. She'll be fine. (he goes into the audience and sits down)

 **Regis:** I hope so. Okay, for 5,000 zenni, How many days did it take Goku to get to planet Namek from Earth?:

A) 6 days

B) 1 week

C) 3 days

D) 4 days

 **ChiChi:** (strangely calm) He took 6, A.

Regis: Is that your final answer?

 **ChiChi:** Yes it is.

 **Regis:** Mrs. Son, you are correct!

(Goku claps loudly)

 **Regis:** For 7,000 zenni, what is one of Gotenks' attacks?

A) Super Doughnut Attack

B) Ultra Missle Cheeseburger

C) Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack

D) Super Gotenks Attack

 **ChiChi:** I would like to use one of my life-lines please. Phone a Friend.

 **Regis:** Sure. Which one?

 **ChiChi:** My son, Son Goten.

(the call is connected and Goten answers)

 **Goten:** Moshi Moshi?

 **Regis:** Is this Son Goten?

 **Goten:** Yes, who are you?

 **Regis:** This is the show, Who Wants to be a Trillionaire, and your mother wants you to help her on this question.

 **Goten:** Okay. Go ahead.

 **ChiChi:** What is one of Gotenks' attacks?

A) Super Doughnut Attack

B) Ultra Missle Cheeseburger

C) Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack

D) Super Gotenks Attack

 **Goten:** That's easy. Since I make up part of Gotenks, the answer is C. Super Ghost Kamikaze attack.

 **ChiChi:** Are you sure?

 **Goten:** 'Kaasan, why wouldn't I be?

 **ChiChi:** Just checking. (time runs out) The answer is C. Super Ghost Kamikaze attack.

 **Regis:** Be glad you chose him, because your are correct! You now have 12,000 zenni.

 **ChiChi:** I'm going to be rich!

 **Goku:** (shouting) Just keep calm and everything will be fine!

 **Regis:** For 1 million zenni, How did Cell become perfect?:

A) He absorbed android 16

B) He absorbed androids 17 and 18

C) He trained harder

D) He absorbed androids 19 and 20

 **ChiChi:** Since Juuhachigou and Juunanigou still exist, I say D. He absorbed androids 19 and 20.

(Goku visibly flinches in the audience)

 **Goku:** Uh, oh. This is **not** good.

 **Regis:** Is that your final answer?

(Goku tenses even more and all of their friends & family at their respective houses all start to chant at their t.v.'s. "Say no! Say no! Say no!")

 **ChiChi:** Yes it-

(Goku gets up and leaves. He didn't want to be present when Regis told her she was wrong)

 **ChiChi:** is.

 **Regis:** Well Mrs. Son, you are -

(ChiChi starts to smile brightly)

 **Regis:** wrong. Sorry. You now have 0 zenni.

(ChiChi jumps up and leaps at Regis. Before he can get out of the way, her hands are around his throat)

 **ChiChi:** WHAT?! HOW CAN I LOSE? GIVE ME MY MONEY! GIVE ME MY MONEY! NOW! (on each word, she shakes him violently)

(two security guards come onto the set. The bald one looks suspiciously like the one from the Jerry Springer show. They pick ChiChi up bodily and haul her off with her shouting obscenities)

 **Regis:** If I get one more looney on this show, I QUIT!

Next on Who Wants to be a Trillionaire, Vegeta!


	4. Vegeta

**Regis:** I'm almost afraid to show up today, but the person who answered How many forms does Frieza have all together with D. was Vegeta. The choices were:

A) 2

B) 3

C) 1

D) 4

(Vegeta comes over and sits down his trademark frown on his face)

 **Regis:** Welcome to Who Wants to be a Trillionaire! How are you today?

 **Vegeta:** I don't want to be here. That woman, Bulma, made me. You're just lucky that I don't kill you.

 **Regis:** Uh yeah. Right. Anyway, for 5,000 zenni, How many times did Captain Ginyu use his change technique?

A) 2

B) 5

C) 3

D) 1

 **Vegeta:** I say A. 2.

 **Regis:** Is that your final answer?

(Vegeta just glares)

 **Regis:** I'm taking that as a "yes". You are wrong. Thanks for playing our game, you didn't win any money. Bye Bye!

(Vegeta slowly stands and starts to gather energy in his palm)

 **Regis:** Wait! You can have one more chance! Just don't kill me!

 **Vegeta:** Thought that would change your mind. Next question.

 **Regis:** You have 5,000 zenni. For 7,000 zenni, What did Majin Buu turn ChiChi into before be killed her?:

A) egg

B) caramel

C) doughnut

D) chicken

 **Vegeta:** I'm going to use a life-line. 50/50.

 **Regis:** Computer, take away the wrong answers, leaving one right and one wrong.

(it was done leaving a and b)

 **Regis:** Which one? A or B?

 **Vegeta:** I'm going to guess. I say B.

 **Regis:** You are-

(Vegeta gives him a look and a small ball of ki appears on the tip of his index finger)

 **Regis:** uh RIGHT!

 **Vegeta:** Damn straight.

 **Regis:** You now have 12,000 zenni. (trying to end this torture) Wouldn't you know? We're running out of time! Last question. For 1 trillion zenni, What was Yamcha's profession when he met Bulma and Goku all those years ago?:

A) fast food worker

B) salesman

C) thief

D) DJ

 **Vegeta:** (to himself) Damn. Now I have to call that weakling. (to Regis)  I want to use a life-line. Phone a, ugh, Friend.

 **Regis:** What friend would you like to call? (look from Vegeta) uh pal, (another look) associate, (look) mortal enemy?

 **Vegeta:** Bingo human. I would like to call the most pitiful fighter on this puny planet, Yamcha.

(the call is connected)

 **Yamcha:** Moshi Moshi?

 **Vegeta:** Look baka, I don't have all day.What was your job when you met my mate and that third class loser?

 **Yamcha:** Why you little- You take my girl **then** you want me to help you win a trillion zenni?! Are you out of your mind? (click. dial tone)

 **Vegeta:** I'll get you for this, idiot! The answer is C!

 **Regis:** You are- (looks at card) right?

 **Vegeta:** IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THAT DAMN MONEY NOW, I'M GONNA- what? I was right? I WAS RIGHT!

(he jumps up and hugs Bulma in the audience)

 **Vegeta:** I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT!

(in the Son house. ChiChi is in a strait jacket.)

 **Goku:** I can't believe he won! They don't even need the money!

 **Regis:** Come back later for the check. I think I need a stiff drink and a nap. (he gets up and walks back stage)

 **Vegeta:** (stops being happy) You know what? Just for disrespecting me, I'm gonna hurt you.

 **Regis:** WHAT?!

 **Vegeta:** I'm gonna hurt you bad!

(he take off after Regis, who shrieks like a little girl)

 **Vegeta:** Say your prayers human!

(there was bright flashes of light everywhere and **very** high-pitched screams)

 **Bulma:** Vegeta! STOP! NOW! IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, WE WON'T GET OUR MONEY! (she runs after them.  
  



End file.
